The Humble Path to Beauty

Hey Everyone, 

I heard a phrase today that surprised me — enough to make me change my schedule to research the subject and write this blog.  

"Fat is the manifestation of the spiritual issues of fear and insecurity." 

I'm paraphrasing. I'm not sure how it was worded, but the basic gist: Fat is the physical manifestation of my fear and insecurity.  

As a woman who has struggled with weight most of my life, this is a little mind-blowing if it's true. Like many other women out there, I have done the diets, the exercise, and all the other typical solutions to fat. Deep down, though, I knew none of them would last. Eventually, you give up, feeling like a failure.  

This statement got me because I always looked at fat as physical. If you’ve read my previous blogs, you’ll probably start seeing a theme of tying the physical reality to spiritual beliefs. Since I’m starting to view the world through this lens, this statement is probably coming to me at a good time.  

I was interested immediately, because even when I lost the weight (and did other steps to be beautiful, like change my hair, my wardrobe, etc.), I still felt insecure about my looks and fear for my future.  

I even told a friend that the thing I hated about fat... is it made me feel insecure. So it was a little different to consider the reverse: Instead of the fat making me feel insecure, maybe my insecurity was making my body fat.  

If this statement is true — if fear and insecurity aren’t just emotions but literal physical weights I carry — then maybe my body isn’t the problem. And maybe, just maybe, there’s another solution beyond the diet and exercise that didn’t work anyway.  

Insecurity: The Physical Reality

Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk’s landmark work, The Body Keeps the Score, shows how trauma and chronic stress are stored in our bodies. For many women, the body becomes a battleground:

• Weight becomes armor.

• Fat becomes a barrier.

• Tension becomes normal.

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Why? Because somewhere along the line, we learned that it’s not safe to be seen. So our bodies protect us — often without our conscious permission.

But here’s the deeper layer: Our bodies are not just shaped by events. They are shaped by beliefs.

Modern neuroscience confirms that subconscious thought patterns — especially those rooted in fear, shame, or unworthiness — can affect everything from hormone levels to weight retention to immune response. What we believe deep down (about God, about others, about ourselves) can quite literally shape how we walk, how we eat, how we breathe, and how we hold pain.

The inner world and outer body aren’t these separate things—they’re like mirrors reflecting each other. So if our bodies can physically show what’s going on inside, what does that mean for someone like me, who’s never felt beautiful?

And then it hit me—maybe it’s not just about what I’m carrying inside. Maybe it’s about what the world keeps throwing at me, too. Because if my body’s picking up on all this fear and insecurity, where’s it coming from? I think a big chunk of it starts out there—with what we’re all taught about beauty.

Culture: The Seen Example

Let’s name a hard truth—really call it out: In our culture, beauty isn’t just a bonus. It often determines who gets protected, praised, and pursued.

This isn’t just a feeling—it’s been studied. Psychologists call it the “halo effect,” where we assume someone who’s attractive is also more trustworthy, competent, and worthy of help. Research shows that beautiful people are hired faster, promoted more easily, and even rescued more quickly in emergencies. Movies, media, and even ministries reflect this bias.

And if we’re honest, we see it in our own lives. We feel it.

If you’ve ever been the woman who wasn’t picked—who watched the “pretty one” get the nod while you stood in the background—you know this ache. If you’ve ever been expected to serve rather than be served, or seen someone else walk away with the blessing simply because they looked the part, you’ve lived it.

Here’s the thing: It’s not just in your head. You’re not imagining it.

Culture has been telling us for years: beauty equals value. And our bodies don’t just ignore that message—they internalize it.

Even when we try to convince ourselves it doesn’t matter, our nervous systems remember who gets rescued—and who doesn’t.

Beauty: The Saving Grace

After years of being overlooked and internalizing the message that I just wasn’t beautiful enough to be chosen, I did what a lot of Christian women do:

I turned to the Bible.

I searched for verses that told me outer beauty didn’t matter. I told myself that beauty was vanity—that what God really cared about was hard work, humility, and servant hearts.

But if I’m honest… even while I was doing all the “right” spiritual things, it still hurt to look in the mirror. Like every woman, I still wanted to be beautiful.

And I wasn’t sure if that longing was holy… or sinful.

A couple of years ago, I came across a sermon that was talking about saving grace. I can’t remember who gave it—maybe Derek Prince? (Don’t quote me on that.) But it mentioned this verse:

“It is by grace you have been saved, through faith.” – Ephesians 2:8

I’d always focused on the “faith” part of that verse, because grace felt… intangible. Mysterious. So my mind latched onto faith—something I could do. And without realizing it, I made faith the reason I was saved.

But then the speaker said something I had never heard before:

In Hebrew, the word for grace is “chen.” And chen doesn’t just mean unmerited favor. It also means elegance. Charm. Kindness. Favor. And beauty.

That changed everything for me.

Because suddenly, grace wasn’t just spiritual. It was tangible. Physical. Understandable.

The world isn’t crazy for equating beauty with salvation—it’s just operating on a shallow version of a deeper spiritual truth.

The beautiful are saved.

So what does that mean for those of us who’ve never felt beautiful?

There’s a movement that says we should tell every woman she is beautiful, that women should just think positive and tell themselves they are beautiful—and I understand the heart behind it. But I don’t think we should ignore the feelings.

Because sometimes those feelings might be your body trying to tell you something is off. There might be truth that needs to be dealt with.

I had people who loved me tell me I was beautiful. But I knew it wasn’t true. Cause let’s be real—no matter how kind your family is, their opinions are often outweighed by the reality of how the world treats you.

And the world is honest. Painfully honest.

And healing requires that kind of honesty.

So if I don’t feel beautiful—and if God truly doesn’t play favorites—then there must be a way to get beauty.

Humility: The Gateway to Beauty

Knowing that grace is how we are saved—and that grace is defined as beauty—this gave me hope.

Because I remembered another famous verse about grace:

“God gives grace to the humble.” – James 4:6

I had always taken that verse to mean that God saves the humble. Maybe you did too. It just made sense in the context of everything we’ve been taught about lowliness and servanthood.

And yes—context is important. We’ve probably all heard the saying: “Context is king.” That’s especially true when we’re reading the stories of the Bible.

But something else I’ve learned?

Pay attention to the exact wording.

I misunderstood this verse for years because I skipped words. I read what I assumed it meant instead of what it actually said.

It doesn’t say God saves the humble. It says God gives grace to the humble.

And if grace is beauty—and if we’re saved by grace—then that means:

God gives the gift of beauty to the humble. And beauty is how we are saved.

Being humble was the gateway to receive beauty.

I’ll be honest: I thought I was already humble.(Is it arrogant to say that? Maybe. LOL.)

I thought being humble meant serving others, working hard, seeing myself as a sinner, and confessing my flaws.

But clearly, I wasn’t beautiful.So if I had misunderstood grace… maybe I had misunderstood humility, too.

Many people, myself included, confuse humility with self-deprecation:

• "I’m not good at anything."

• "I don’t want to seem proud."

• "I just try to stay small."

  
  

But true humility isn’t about minimizing yourself. It’s about knowing yourself—fully and honestly.

Psychologist Dr. June Tangney defines humility as “an accurate, unembellished sense of self.” It means:

• Acknowledging your limitations without shame

• Recognizing your gifts without arrogance

• Staying open to growth without needing to prove anything

  
  

That was a powerful shift for me.

Real humility is knowing what you’re not good at—and what you are.

God is a Creator, and every person is created with purpose. That means each of us carries something good—something worth discovering, developing, and offering to the world.

And when you start offering who you really are—without the shame, the striving, or the self-erasing—something shifts.

Not just spiritually. But relationally. Physically. Even neurologically.

And science reveals this to be true.

Authenticity: The Foundation of Humility

Modern psychology and neuroscience now confirm what Scripture has always implied:True beauty isn’t just about features—it’s about presence.

According to Dr. Nancy Etcoff of Harvard, author of Survival of the Prettiest, people are drawn to those who exude warmth, confidence, and emotional connection—not just physical symmetry.

Other studies show:

• Authenticity is attractive. People are drawn to those who feel emotionally real—where there’s no pretending, no performing, no hidden tension underneath.

• Calmness is magnetic. A regulated nervous system puts others at ease. Safety is felt as beauty.

• Humble people are more liked. Research in the Journal of Positive Psychology links humility to greater influence and deeper connection in relationships.

  
  

That last one caught my attention.

Because if humility is the gateway to beauty…then what actually makes someone humble?

According to psychologists, humility is an accurate view of yourself—not too high, not too low. It’s being grounded in truth, without the need to prove anything.

But you can’t have an accurate view of yourself without authenticity.

Authenticity is the ability to know yourself, accept yourself, and live in alignment with that truth.

Without that inner honesty—without knowing who you really are—what we call humility can actually become performance, perfectionism, or self-erasure.

That’s why authenticity isn’t a bonus trait. It’s the foundation.

But Here’s the Tricky Thing...

Most of us think we’re already being authentic.

And in some ways, we are. We’re not trying to lie. We’re not pretending to be someone else.

But what if authenticity isn’t about what we’re doing on the outside...and more about what got buried on the inside?

Somewhere along the line—maybe in childhood, maybe in church, maybe in the pressure to be accepted—we learned which parts of ourselves were “safe” to show… and which parts were not.

So we adapted. We edited ourselves. We internalized expectations that weren’t ours.

And over time, we started living a version of life that wasn’t fully us.

Neuroscience now shows that most of our behavior—up to 95%—is driven by subconscious programming, much of it formed before the age of 7.That means we’re often responding to life not from conscious truth, but from unseen scripts we didn’t even write.

So maybe we’re not as self-aware as we think. And maybe humility—the true kind that leads to grace and beauty—requires us to go back and find the parts of us we buried. The ones God never asked us to hide.

Because without authenticity, humility is just performance. But when humility is rooted in honesty—when it flows from the whole self, not just the approved parts—it becomes a vessel for grace.

Holiness: Becoming Whole

So what does this all lead to?

If God gives grace to the humble…And if true humility is rooted in authenticity…Then maybe what God is really saying is this:

Beauty is tied to becoming whole.

And to understand what that really means, we have to go back to how God defined holiness.

For most of my life, I thought holiness meant being perfect. And I thought perfect meant “without blemish or fault.”

But I was wrong.

In Hebrew, the word holy means whole. And in the New Testament, when Jesus says “Be perfect,” the Greek word used is teleios—which doesn’t mean flawless. It means mature, complete, fully developed.

That changed everything for me.

Because suddenly, I realized God wasn’t asking me to be flawless—He was inviting me to become whole.

But what does that actually mean?

That’s a much bigger subject—definitely one for another blog. But here’s where I’ll leave you for now:

We are not just minds in bodies. Scripture—and even science—agrees that we’re made of spirit, soul, and body. A kind of trinity. And interestingly, scientists have discovered we actually have two “brains”: one in our head, and one in our gut. It’s called the enteric nervous system, and it can function independently from the brain, though the two communicate constantly.

You’ve probably heard the phrase “a gut feeling.” Turns out, it’s not just a saying. It’s biology.

And I think becoming whole has a lot to do with these three parts—spirit, soul, and body—working in harmony. Kind of like a family: the spirit like the husband, the soul like the wife, and the body like the kids. When a family is in unity, it’s a beautiful thing.

Literally.

And maybe that’s the beauty God was pointing to when He spoke of inner beauty .Not surface calm or religious effort—but internal alignment.

So, thank you for sticking with me through all of this. I honestly spent way more time exploring this topic than I ever expected to… but I think it’s because it matters more than I ever realized.

And I hope that something here gave you permission to breathe, to question, or to remember who you were before the world told you who to be.

Jacqueline Marie